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 Protecting our children

As adults who care about children, we always want to protect them. This may be protecting them from safety, it could be protecting their feelings or never wanting your child to feel discomfort. What does this do to a child? Does this allow your child to understand that discomfort is the root of growth, or that acknowledging your painful emotions is a sign of strength, or even that feeling anxiety is a way to keep you safe?  

Sometimes, as adults, we hinder our children from growing up and learning life skills. We want so badly to keep them safe but at times we must allow ourselves to let our children grow and go. Surprisingly enough, our kids want this to. Our kids want independence. They want to experience life and they want to experience what life has to offer THEM (not what life offered us). 

One main idea that is involved in active listening is to not offer your own experience. (there is a time for story telling but its not all the time). So if a child is telling you about a friend who was unkind to them, we should not say "Oh! I remember when my ex-best friend Sally was rude to me because I had Dunk-a-roos and she didn't." No, this is not active listening because your thoughts are more internally focused since you are trying to find a way to commiserate rather than listen to what they are saying. You want to hear them. You could reply with: "Oh wow, I am so sorry you feel that your friend was being unkind..." This next move is going to be the TOUGHEST move for parents. Ask your child "what would you like to do about it?" 

Let your child find the solution. 

That's right. they are capable of problem solving. We just have to give them the space to do it.

Mind you, they may say "I don't know" and then you can ask them if they would like you to help them with a solution. From there, work with your child to figure out the solution. Do not tell them what to do, let them figure out what is best for them. As much as our children may look like us, act like us or even smell like us, they are still not us. They are their own independent thinking human being and we have to respect them as such. 

We have to allow them to be in the drivers seat of their decision making, choices and behaviors. 


Buckle up good people, it may be a bumpy ride!

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